And Then...: Muse to my Ears
by Lilian
Summary: Phoebe is hesitant to say yes, and Cole is adjusting to his life as a human. And yet, they danced the night away... didn't they?.


** And Then:... Muse to my Ears **,   
  
by Lilian  
  
lilian413@yahoo.com  
  
AN: Hi!. Another fic on the series--- they're getting addictive, you know?. I know many of you are waiting for the next installemnt on Change of Heart, but college is eating up my free time, and I think I'll only be able to write in the weekends from now on. But I hope you like this one!!.   
  
Remember, review!.   
  
  
************************************  
  
  
  
They danced across the empty nightclub in silence, listening to each other's slow breathing and comforting heartbeat.   
  
Words needed to be said, and explanations needed to be given, but now was a time for quiet.   
The excess of inspiration had taken its toll on both of them, leaving them somewhat drained and tired. They needed to recover, needed time to get comfortable in their own skin again.   
  
They were each other's Muse, and now, when together, they could not find the right words to say.   
  
Phoebe thanked Piper for putting the music on... it was a combination of 1940's classics, and as it rang through the speakers, she sighed deeply, inhaling that unique scent that was Cole.   
  
Things had been said, and a lot of them were true.   
  
And as usual, truth hurts.   
  
Because she *had* been treating him like a boy toy.   
  
She had forgotten he had been alive for a hundred and sixteen years, and his cunning brain and agile mind had played an important role in that. He hadn't survived just because he had been the strongest--- he had also been the smartest. It was just that--- up until then, she had at least had the certainty he could protect himself.   
  
Whatever struggle he would face, Phoebe knew he could always shimmer out.   
  
But now... things were different.   
  
He was human.   
  
He was mortal.   
  
And it scared her; it scared her that she could not rely on him the way she had.   
  
It scared her that she could lose him, in a blink, in a heartbeat--- it would only take a second for a fireball to consume him, or an athame to stab his heart.   
  
She closed her eyes, and tried to stop the thoughts from overwhelming her.   
  
But it seemed Melody wanted her to deal with what she had been pushing off for the past few days.   
  
  
*****************************  
  
  
Cole held her close, feeling happy and safe with her in his arms.   
  
They had danced before... but never like this. Never with the room around them empty, and the music just right for the mood to settle in. Never with all the day's events replaying themselves in his head over and over again.   
  
He had said things he didn't mean to. Well, he *did* mean them... he had just wanted to wait for a proper moment to tell her.   
  
To tell her that he felt useless, powerless, defenseless---  
  
That he felt like a baby, treated with such care, and sent to his room whenever evil reared it's ugly head.   
  
The gun had brought some sense onto him.   
  
The scared look in her eyes, when he had brought it out of his belt had been warning enough. The shadow that had flashed through them had struck him deep, sending a shiver down his spine.   
  
He knew it had been a stupid thing to do.   
  
He knew guns could not hurt demons. He knew it was more likely he would shoot himself before he ever got a chance to even aim at a warlock--- but the sense of security it brought to his heart was something he had been missing since Belthazor had died.   
  
Phoebe had been there for him--- as much as she could, anyway. Whenever he brought the subject of his proposal up, she would shy away from him, and he was left feeling like the world's biggest jerk for pushing her too hard.   
  
What were Paige's words back when they had switched bodies?   
  
'Keep pushing her like that, and you'll push her right out the door'  
  
But he couldn't help it! Every thing, every small thing reminded him she hadn't said yes. Whenever they woke up together, and he saw the missing ring in her finger, everything came back in a rush, and quite frankly, he was getting sick of it.   
  
Not of her--- of having to be constantly reminded that they weren't married, and would never be, as long as Phoebe kept ignoring his questions and changing subjects.  
  
But then again, he couldn't really blame her, could he?   
  
Piper's explanation still rang in his ears, from back in the kitchen. The very same kitchen where Phoebe had tried to make him forget the trials and tribulations of being human; attempts he had promptly squashed by bringing the Source and his factions into the conversation.   
  
'She needs time'  
  
That was pretty much all he remembered of their talk. He was busy trying to keep the disappointment from shinning through, and keeping a poker face up. He wasn't used to people seeing him break... there were far too many people in that house!   
  
He sighed, trying to clear his thoughts.   
  
If he could only enjoy her body next to his own like before--- he hadn't needed anything else before. Just the feel of her in close proximity was enough to send any and all thoughts of chaos and doubt away. But now, now *she* was the cause of most of those doubts...   
  
But when he held her, some of the burden was lifted.   
  
And so, he kept her close, and tried to forget.   
  
  
*********************************  
  
  
The music slowly died down, and in complete synchronization, their bodies stopped, feeling the beat slowing down.   
  
And they looked at each other, afraid, wondering who would be the first one to speak.   
  
"I'm sorry".   
  
Their voices mingled harmoniously, dancing together just as they had been doing just seconds before. And a hesitant grin made its way onto their lips, because it seemed they were both carrying guilt around.   
  
"You go first".   
  
Phoebe still needed some time to gather her thoughts, to find the proper way to word them, and something (she suspected something that started with an 'M' and ended with a 'Y'), was whispering to her that Cole was ready.   
  
He coughed, and ran a nervous hand through his hair.   
  
Sure, he was ready.   
  
That didn't mean it wasn't hard.   
  
"I'm sorry I made you worry over me. It was stupid of me going down to the Underworld, without any protection. I should've listened to you".  
  
Phoebe squeezed his hand, which still held hers in a warm embrace, and nodded.   
  
"Yes, it was stupid. But I also understand why you did it".   
  
He looked at her, all dressed up in her forty's costume, and found her more beautiful than ever. He had met his share of women, but Phoebe still amazed him, even after a whole year of being together.   
  
"You do?".   
  
"Yes, and I apologize. For being such a worrywart. I should've trusted you. And I should've known better than to try and keep you away from the action".   
  
He smiled at that, and so did she.   
  
"Yes, you should've".   
  
Phoebe had seen him handle himself with Devlin. Had watched as he fought him, all human flesh and blood, and still managed to get the ring off his finger. Sure, it had earned him a slamming against a far wall, but he had come out of fairly unscathed.. a little bruised, but whole.   
  
And she began thinking that maybe she had been a mother hen with him.   
  
She rested her cheek against his shirt, the fake medals and plastic buttons rubbing against her face, and sighed, struggling with the words.   
  
"I don't want to lose you".   
  
Cole kissed the top of her head, smelling the vanilla shampoo, awakening memories of passionate showers, and shared hair washings.   
  
"You won't".   
  
Sometime during their conversation, the music had started playing again, the vinyl probably reaching the end and starting all over. But it wasn't an obstacle to then--- it even encouraged them further, allowing them to speak quietly in the small bubble that was their world now.   
  
"I was so scared--- I thought I was going to lose you. And there was nothing I could do to stop it".   
  
Her hands disentangled themselves from his own, and encircled his waist, needing to feel his strong body still alive, with her.   
  
"That's something we will have to learn to live with".   
  
He embraced her too, feeling as the powerful muscles of her back stretched and folded with her movements.   
  
They remained in silence, breathing slowly, trying to reassure themselves that danger was past, that they were safe--- for now.   
  
This night was theirs, and they would make the most of it.   
  
"Thank you".   
  
Her voice was low, muffled by his shirt.   
  
"For what?".   
  
She raised her eyes to him, and looked into the deep blue orbs, so familiar and yet so strange at the same time. It was true what she had said, back in the attic. There was so much they didn't know about each other. So many things they still kept hidden, that still remained untold between them.   
  
But they had been granted time, time many people never got the chance to have.   
  
Time to get to know each other again, time to be with each other for a while.   
  
"For being here. For being here for me".   
  
She had found her inspiration in him. He had become her Muse, in times of danger and pain. And she had only realized it now. But now that she thought of it, he always brought the best out in her.   
  
Always.   
  
He bent down, and softly kissed her lips.   
  
And she kissed him back, relishing in the feel of the human skin under her lips, of the human heat that radiated from his body, and enveloped her like a cocoon.   
  
  
*********************  
  
  
Cole still battled with his demons. Even if technically he was rid of them, they came in more shapes and forms than he had ever thought possible.   
  
Thoughts. Thinking.   
  
It had become his deadliest enemy, as of late.   
  
Thoughts led to questioning, questions led to doubt, and doubt led him to anger. Because he had always known who he was, always had something to call himself.   
  
But ever since his change, things were different.   
  
So many little things, that irked him out, and provoked his anger.   
  
Like that incident in the kitchen. He had burnt his hand, for crying out loud! Had felt the pain, the numbness that came from overly-stimulated nerve endings... he, who had controlled flames for a hundred years, had gotten burnt.   
  
But he was adjusting.   
  
Slowly, but he was adjusting all right.   
  
And Phoebe played a pivotal role in that.   
  
Even if she didn't realize it, she was as much of a Muse to him, as he was to her.   
  
It was the look of happiness in her eyes that kept him calm. The fondness with which she treated him, that made his day.   
  
Hell, even the way she worried about him, and tried to prevent him from getting in harm's way was enchanting. It showed him she cared. It showed him she loved him, she still loved him, demon or not.   
  
Gods, the words they had exchanged back in the attic.   
  
They had hurt, they had stung--- but they were true.   
  
Melody had brought out feelings he had tried to hide, feelings with which he had battled for the past week, and made him scream them in her face.   
  
'I have a hard time believing any woman who's truly in love would turn down a marriage proposal!'  
  
Gods, he hadn't meant to say that! It should've been different... he had wanted to ask her calmly, with a cool head, why she had said no. Why she had refused to take him as her husband. But he had blurted it out, so out of control, so emotional--- so human.   
  
Understanding settled in, as he realized that being human meant much more than just loosing his powers. It meant feelings, and passion, and mortality, things which he had never been truly comfortable with.   
  
Well, he surely liked passion, just as much as the next fellow. But feelings--- when he had first met Phoebe, he had been struck speechless.   
  
Her spunk radiated from her in waves, enveloping everything within a three feet radius. And he had become addicted to her. In more ways that he could possibly fathom.   
  
And he had never meant to hurt her.   
  
But humans and demons alike can be vengeful. And whatever part of him that was still hurting, still bleeding from her rejection, took hold of his mouth, and spat the words at her.   
  
And the hurt in her eyes had hurt him in return.   
  
But then, in such a soft whisper, with such emotion behind the few words, she had explained it to him...  
  
'I don't know how to be your wife'  
  
And as they kissed, he realized that Phoebe, as human as she had been her entire life, still struggled every day, fought to live a normal life, just like he was doing right now.   
  
He had promised himself he would give her the time she needed--- because even if he was certain he wanted her as his wife, and was now sure Phoebe wanted him as her husband, there were other problems to be solved, before she said yes.  
  
Because he knew she would, some day.   
  
  
*****************  
  
  
It was strange how well they fit together.   
  
He was dark, where she was light.   
  
But they were both so powerful, in ways they could never imagine.   
  
And it was when together, that their power shone through.   
  
They had been brought together for a reason; been allowed to remain a couple for many more. But they did not know that now. And they would remain oblivious to it for a long time. Until the time was right, and their presence was needed, trial after trial would be bestowed upon them, making them stronger, making their *love* stronger, preparing them for what was to come.  
  
Those were Melody's thoughts, as she floated around them, invisible to their eyes, but more than aware of her presence.   
  
There was power in passion.   
  
She should know, being the inspirer for passions so high, that people were burnt from the inside out because of them.   
  
If their kissing was any indication, this was the most powerful couple she had ever had the pleasure to inspire. A stray train of thought ran through her head, and she smiled, knowing they would need it right now.   
  
Softly, she placed her hand against Cole's shoulder, while her eyes stared intently at Phoebe.   
  
{Enjoy}  
  
Sure her work here was done, she orbed away, to her other protégées... she knew these two would need the privacy.   
  
  
**************************  
  
  
It was hard to think seriously when he was around. When he was holding her this close, this tight, and his hand was absently caressing the exposed skin of her back, drawing lazy circles and igniting her passion.   
  
It had been awkward, the last time.   
  
She had tried her best to make him relax, to take his mind off the turmoil of demons and magic alike--- but he wasn't being very cooperative. He kept insisting on talking about the demonic factions, and how she should be preparing to fight them properly...   
  
But now, now it seemed he was willing.   
  
She raised her eyes to his face, and sought any hesitation in them.   
  
She found none.   
  
In fact, there was a spark shinning in there that she hadn't seen for a few days now.   
  
He tipped her back, right on cue with the last beats of the music, and she giggled in amusement, as his eyes settled on something way below her face.   
  
"Mr. Turner, are you ogling me?"   
  
His powerful muscles flexed as he bent forward, and planted a kiss just above her neckline, tickling her skin.   
  
"Me? Nope. I'm just--- enjoying the view".   
  
He straightened them up, and she stood on her tiptoes, brushing their lips together, not quite a kiss, not quite a caress.   
  
"I think you would've been beaten senseless by now if we were in the 40's. Breaking a lady's honor and all that".   
  
He smiled, and ran his fingers through her hair, letting the flowers embroidered in them fall to the floor.   
  
"With that dress, and that mouth, boy baby--- I wouldn't be the only one doing this".   
  
She smiled, thanking him for the compliment. Once, a long time ago, she had doubted her own worth. But that had been before she met him, when she was still fighting to find her way in life. But truth to be told, he had played an important role in the development of her own character.   
  
Of Phoebe Halliwell. Of herself. Not the youngest sister, not the straying teen, not the powerful Witch. Just herself.   
  
And it felt good to hear it. It felt good to have someone love her unconditionally--- especially because she had never thought she would find true love.   
  
"I love you".   
  
She burrowed deep in his arms, and felt her heart swelling, as she realized this man did indeed love her, as much, if not more, as she loved him. But there was still hesitation behind her voice--- yes, she loved him. Was she proving it to him?   
  
No, she wasn't. She was pushing him away, just as she had pushed his marriage proposal aside.   
  
"I love you too".   
  
She had to look away, had to escape those burning eyes of his that were running through her. There was not a trace of anger or discomfort in them, and yet, she could not bring herself to look in them.  
  
Was she the weak link in this relationship? Was she willing to lose him, just like that? Because she couldn't say 'yes'?   
  
She bit her lower lip, and her fingers curled around his arms, in a basic, primal response to her clouded mind. She did not say anything out loud, but somehow, Cole seemed to feel what she was thinking. And his hand cupped her face, and softly raised it again, and looked deeply into her eyes.   
  
"I understand, Phoebe".  
  
She blinked slowly, unknowingly arousing feelings in him as her thick eyelashes caressed her cheeks in that maddeningly slow motion.   
  
"You do?"   
  
He smiled at her, and brushed a stray tear that had made its way down her cheek.   
  
"More than you think".   
  
She smiled at him, slowly, unsure, still fighting the doubts of her own worth. But he was being honest--- no matter what, his eyes had never lied to her. Not even when he was hiding from her, trying to kill them and at the same time, protect them.   
  
And right now, his eyes were glowing in something akin to happiness. He was happy? She did not ask, though... this was a thing she needed to figure out for herself. Otherwise it could haunt her forever, like a crack on the pavement, that enlarges with each passing year.   
  
She would. She knew she would solve it. She just needed time...   
  
She closed her eyes, and clung to him, needing to feel him, needing to reassure herself that he was here, with her...  
  
{soon, Cole. Soon, I'll be able to say yes}  
  
  
***********************  
  
  
The End. 


End file.
